All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Please don't give away my fajitas
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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