Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
