Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
