Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
