So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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