Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
