The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My feet surprised me
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