I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
