I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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