you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
