Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
