He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
