dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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