I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
