I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
