dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
