the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
