how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
