I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
