the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
