Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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