Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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