nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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