Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
