Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
a search helicopter?!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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