I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize