sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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