apparently the secret to your success is patron
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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