last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
