she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
