My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to make out with him forever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
