Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
