Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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