That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize