so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
