The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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