I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
