You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
