I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize