I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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