im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
