Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
