I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
