I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
