you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
