dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
