Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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