I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
