I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
