I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
