...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
