Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
