He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
