Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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