dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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