i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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