Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
