The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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