All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
