I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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