i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
