I look better un-naked...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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