I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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