Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
