i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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