lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
