idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
